Quack stands for Crack
by Kyarorain
Summary: Kraden is bitten by a rubber ducky on his morning walk and all hell breaks loose. It only gets worse when Garet's new Mob takes over Vale.
1. Chapter 1

**Quack stands for Crack**

* * *

The whole story is not about ducks. It just begins with ducks. Because ducks are cool. But like I said, there's even more.

Camelot owns Golden Sun.

* * *

It was quite peaceful in the newly rebuilt Vale. So peaceful, nobody was even worried about Alchemy and wars and stuff. Wars breaking out in Weyard? Nonsense! They could happily relax for as long as they wanted.

Kraden was partaking in an early morning walk, sniffing flowers along the path as he walked and stretched his arms.

"Why," Kraden said, fully aware he was talking to himself. He loved the sound of his own voice too much. "I do believe that this is a perfect morning. Birds are singing, the sun is out, it's lovely and warm. As I talk to myself, I wonder what could possibly go wrong on my peaceful morning walk?"

A loud quack sounded from behind him. Kraden's eyes widened and he turned around, staring into the hollow black eyes of a large rubber ducky. Wait, rubber? Indeed, the yellow and shiny exterior betrayed the fact that it was made of rubber.

"My goodness," Kraden said, walking over to the rubber ducky. "Could it be that... the unleash of Alchemy is bringing rubber duckies to life? I simply cannot believe this!"

The rubber ducky quacked again and dived through Kraden's legs. Kraden made a grab at it and fell over flat on his front. He was just about to try and get up again when he felt a searing pain in his bottom.

"Yee-arrrgh!" Kraden screamed, clutching his rear. He shrieked and ran around in circles as the rubber ducky laughed maniacally, displaying a row of razor sharp teeth. Before Kraden could unleash his vengeance on the duck, it had already jumped into the river and swam away.

"Curse you!" Kraden shook his fist. "I shall have my revenge on all ducks, I swear to this!"

The Mayor of Vale was quite surprised when Kraden asked him to call together a conference involving all the villagers later on. So that was how everyone stood in a large crowd, staring at a podium upon which Kraden stood.

"I wonder if we're in trouble?" Garet looked nervous. He chewed his lip anxiously.

"He called the whole village out," Jenna said, shaking her head. "Still, this is weird."

"Maybe Kraden just wants to talk," Isaac said sourly.

"Like we don't hear him enough during his lessons," Sheba muttered. "Now he's trying to torture the entire village."

"Why us?" Ivan wailed, holding his hands up to the sky. Several people stared at him and he dropped his arms, chuckling nervously.

"Kraden looks a little annoyed," Mia pointed out. "Maybe something happened."

"It's quite likely Garet broke his windows and didn't own up," Piers said, smirking at the bulky Mars Adept.

"No, I didn't!" Garet exclaimed.

"SILENCE!" Kraden thundered, hushing the talking crowd of Valeans and a few people from elsewhere. "Now, I know that I am not the Mayor, but I would like to pass a new rule. You might be wondering why so I shall tell you the story."

A few people's hearts sank. Kraden, telling a story? They would be here forever!

"It happened just this morning," Kraden said. "I was enjoying the fine morning and partaking in a walk by myself. Lo and behold, did I see a rubber ducky. Yes, a rubber ducky quacking and walking. It was a strange sight indeed, but I saw it. I went to examine it closer and then I fell over. What did the ducky do next? It bit me on the bottom!"

Scattered laughter rose up from the crowd. Kraden glared and they all quickly shushed. They had no wish to face Kraden's wrath.

"This is why, henceforth, I wish for ducks to be banned from Vale!" Kraden shouted.

The crowd gasped and started muttering to each other, as well as yelling random things at Kraden.

"What the...?" The Mayor of Vale stomped up on the podium and approached Kraden. "Are you serious?"

"Very," Kraden said, giving the Mayor a steely glance. "Think about it... would you like it if innocent children were bitten by those ducks? Think of the children. Ducks are dangerous."

"Well..." the Mayor hesitated. "Okay, I can't see what harm it would do. We don't need to eat them or anything. Okay, people of Vale, Kraden's rule stands. Ducks are banned from Vale!"

The crowd gasped, even louder this time.

"Grandfather... you're insane!" Garet yelled. "Why don't you kick Kraden out of the village instead?"

"Isaac?" Mia noticed that he had gone pale and wide-eyed. She took his hand and realised he was shaking. "Isaac, are you okay?"

"No..." Isaac whimpered. "Not the ducks... NO!!!"

The crowd of Adepts watched on in surprise as Isaac screamed in grief and ran out of the village.

Mia blinked and stared.

"I had no idea he liked ducks so much," Ivan said, looking surprised.

"He'll be back," Jenna said. "Isaac just needs to get over it."

"I can't believe ducks are banned," Felix said, shaking his head. "That's crazy."

Three days later, Isaac had still not returned. All the ducks that were in Vale had been kicked out and Vale was duck-free so Kraden could enjoy his morning walks without fear.

Mia was worried about Isaac, but nobody else was even that worried yet. She decided to go and search for him by herself.

"Are you sure you're not going to wait a bit longer?" Ivan asked as Mia stood at the gate. "I'm sure Isaac's okay."

"He needs me," Mia said firmly. "For all we know, Isaac could be hurt out there. I have to find him."

"Good luck, Mia," Ivan said, waving as Mia walked out of the gate. He shook his head and sighed. Why had Isaac spent three days so far away from Vale? Was it really just because of the ducks?

Mia searched far and wide for Isaac. A day after her departure, she was searching the area between Vault and the Goma Range when she found a colony of ducks.

"Ooh, ducks," Mia said, kneeling down to pat a duck on the head. It quacked and waddled away. "I'd almost forgotten how cute they were."

"Mia, is that you?"

Mia gasped. That was unmistakably Isaac's voice. She jumped up and whirled around, looking for him. "Isaac? Where are you?"

"I'm over here."

Mia turned and froze, staring at what looked like a giant duck. On closer inspection, she realised it was Isaac in a duck costume.

"I-Isaac?" Mia spluttered, running up to him. "What are you doing? You're dressed up as a duck?"

"I am a duck," Isaac insisted. "And my name is Iduck now. I-duck. Got it?"

Mia let out a choked laugh of incredulity and stepped back, shaking her head. "Have you lost your mind?"

"No," Isaac said, kneeling down and gently picking up a duck standing by his feet. "Say hello to my girlfriend, Eggwina. Isn't it a cute name?"

"What... wait... you live with these ducks?" Mia spluttered.

"They are my friends. I care for them," Isaac said stonily. "If you can't understand that, then I guess we can't accept you in our colony."

"I don't believe this!" Mia exclaimed, laughing again as she stepped back and shook her head. "Isaac... I'm going to get you back somehow. I mean this. I just need a plan! Yes, a plan." She turned and marched away, forming a plan in her mind.

Isaac tilted his head, looking at her retreating back in confusion. "...Quack?"

"Quack, quack quack!" Eggwina flapped her wings.

Isaac looked at the duck seriously and nodded his head. "Quack."


	2. Chapter 2

**Quack stands for Crack**

* * *

Last chapter sure was strange. But I think that's the most out-there chapter in this fic, so don't run away yet.

Camelot owns Golden Sun!

* * *

"Boo! You suck!" A Vault resident yelled, his spot-covered face red with annoyance. "That ointment you gave me just made me worse!"

Mia stood still, only moving aside as the ointment jar flew at her and smashed on the ground. She turned around and saw another Vaultean give her a lethal glare as she limped to her house.

For the past week, Mia had been terrorising the people of Vault. They knew she was a healer and thought that Mia coming to stay was a good thing for them. They had been very wrong.

"Oh, come on," Mia muttered, walking away. "I'm not here to make you wimps better."

"Mia?" A familiar voice stopped Mia in her tracks and she looked up to see Ivan walking into Vault. "There you are. How did the search for Isaac go?"

"Oh, well... it wasn't so great," Mia said hesitantly. A groaning Vaultean stumbled up to her and she turned around. "Is something wrong?"

"Well, I have this really bad headache," the Vaultean said. "Is there anything you can do about it?"

"The cure is quite simple," Mia said, holding up a finger. "All you need to do is smash yourself in the forehead with a brick, large rock or heavy object. It works a charm, I swear."

The Vaultean gave her a doubtful glance before walking away. Mia turned around and flashed a winning smile at the appalled Ivan.

"Well, it will kind of work," Mia said, giggling nervously. "It will hurt so much, he won't even notice the headache! He'll just have an even worse pain instead!"

"Mia, what are you doing?" Ivan exclaimed. "Why didn't you just use Ply?"

"It's quite simple," Mia said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Ivan, I am now a quack. Not a healer, a quack."

"A... quack?" Ivan repeated slowly.

"Uh-huh," Mia said, grinning. "That means I can't do my job properly anymore. I have to make people worse and stuff."

"But... but... why?" Ivan spluttered. "I thought you liked healing people!"

"You see..." Mia led Ivan away to a private corner of the village to tell the story. "I found Isaac, but... he's gone insane. He thinks he's a duck, he calls himself Iduck, he's living with ducks and he's even in a relationship with one! Oh, and did I mention he's dressed up as a duck?"

"Oh... that sounds bad..." Ivan's eyes widened. "I had no idea that he was so badly affected by Kraden banning ducks. But what does that have to do with you being a quack?"

"Simple!" Mia said. "By being a quack, I will catch Isaac's attention and get him away from those ducks so that he can get some help. I'm practically a duck, right? I'm a quack!"

Ivan stared at her in horror, then coughed. "Oh... gosh. Mia, I don't know how to tell you this..."

"I mean, come on, this profession is obviously related to ducks," Mia said, smiling. "Why else would it be named after the sound that ducks make?"

"Quacks have nothing to do with ducks!" Ivan exclaimed. Mia stared at him in silent shock. "It may come from a foreign word that begins with quack. I'm sorry."

"No..." Mia said in a quiet voice. "You mean... all this... was for nothing?" Ivan nodded. "No!"

"Come back to Vale," Ivan insisted. "We can maybe go and look for Isaac later and-" He was cut off by maniacal laughter and his spirits sank. That was not a good sign.

"Ha ha ha!" Mia laughed. "I can't take this anymore! I'm going back to Imil! I've had it with ducks and quacks and ducks and did I say I'd had it with ducks? Because I have!"

Ivan stared as Mia ran away laughing. He groaned and sank to his knees. Somehow, Ivan was quite sure he'd just made a bad situation worse. Maybe he shouldn't even bother going back to Vale. Things were just too whacked out over there.

Mia somehow got to Imil in record time and decided that healing sucked and so did helping people. She was in such a bad mood that she went all the way to Mercury Lighthouse and started drinking from the fountain so that Imil couldn't have any more healing water.

As her bladder exploded, she numbly sat down and healed it then stared at the fountain.

"Darn. I forgot it didn't stop running," Mia said in a monotone voice. "Guess I'll just go see how Imil's doing. And stay there. No ducks there. Stupid ducks."

Ivan trudged into Kalay, feeling quite downspirited. In just over a week, two of his friends had disappeared and he was quite sure Kraden was crazy. So now he was returning to his hometown.

A surge of emotion ran through him as he looked around and he hurtled toward the palace, excited about seeing Hammet and Layana again. As Ivan burst through the doors and started running through the corridor, he stopped still.

"It's through! I don't care what you say, it's over!"

"Oh come on! I didn't know it was the maid... I was drunk... it was dark! Let me make it up to you!"

"Do you know how it feels, Hammet? Do you? Well, let me tell you something! I slept with Dodonpa!"

"What?"

"And he's so much better in bed than you are!"

"I can't believe you, Layana! Fine, we're definitely through!"

"Good!"

"Yeah, I think so too!"

"... Master Hammet? Layana?"

The breaking up couple stopped shouting and turned around, staring at the pale and shaking Ivan. His eyes were wide and he could barely find the energy to speak.

"Are you... breaking up?" Ivan choked out.

"Oh, Ivan!" Layana ran over and gave Ivan a fierce hug. "You're home! Now, you see, Hammet was... well, he slept with the maid."

"She slept with Dodonpa!" Hammet cried out. "Ivan, come here."

"Master Hammet..." Ivan walked up to him. "But... how? This is... you can't be! I need a stable family! I learned my mother died after giving me away and I have no idea what happened to my father. I need stability! I need... I..."

"Look, I'm sorry, but this is for the best," Hammet said gently. "Now, Layana is going to be moving out obviously because this is my palace. You can live with me."

"What?" Layana exclaimed. "Why do you get to keep Ivan?"

"I'm the one he was handed to as a baby!" Hammet said. "I think I have more right to him."

"You haven't heard the last of this, Hammet!" Layana shouted, storming out of the room.

Ivan didn't know what to do or how he was supposed to cope with this crazy turn of events. So he just sank to his knees and fainted from shock.

When he awoke, he was inside what seemed to be a room in Kalay's inn. Ivan sat up in surprise and looked around. Why wasn't he in the palace?

"Oh, hello, Ivan," Layana said, approaching him. "Now, look, I think you would be better off living with me, don't you?"

"Wait a minute, you kidnapped me?" Ivan exclaimed.

Layana pressed her lips together. "I... I wouldn't call it kidnapping. I just don't think it's fair Hammet gets to keep you to himself."

"I don't believe this!" Ivan exclaimed. "Don't I get a choice?"

"No," Layana said. "You're too young."

Suddenly, the door flew open and two of Kalay's palace soldiers stormed into the room. Ivan felt a surge of relief, as well as guilt. Why was he feeling so relieved?

"We'll be taking Ivan back," said one of the soldiers. "Lord Hammet wishes for him to live at the palace."

"No!" Layana wailed as the soldiers frogmarched Ivan out of the room. "Ivan should be mine!"

Ivan was returned to the palace and Hammet was quite relieved to see him back.

"I'm sorry you were taken so easily," Hammet said. "Security has been a bit lax lately."

"Yeah, that could be kind of bad," Ivan said. "Supposing Dodonpa decided he would come and get his revenge? You don't want your throat getting cut in your sleep!"

"Good point..." Hammet said, shuffling away with a guilty look on his face. Ivan sighed in irritation and decided to go for a walk in the garden.

As he was passing by a thick shrubbery, he certainly did not expect a masked figure to jump out from behind it and clap a hand over his mouth. Ivan couldn't even cry out as he was dragged away.

"Stop struggling," said Layana, dragging Ivan to a random house. "I've found someone who's willing to help hide you. Then we'll leave the city and we can live together. Won't that be fun?"

Ivan tried to say that he didn't like the idea, but it was difficult with her hand over his mouth. Then he was locked in a room by himself with firm instructions to say hidden. Ivan sat on the bed, feeling quite glum.

How had he ended up in some crazy love-tug war between Hammet and Layana? It just wasn't right. Why couldn't he make the choice?

"Stupid Layana," Ivan muttered fiercely, kicking the bed. "One moment, she's yelling at me for rescuing Hammet and kicking me out of the palace. The next, she's kidnapping me. What the heck?"

As Ivan sat still, feeling very bored, the window behind him shattered with a loud smash. Ivan was about to turn when a large sack was pulled over him. He kicked and yelled as he was bundled up in the sack and slung over someone's back.

Ivan experienced a very frightening and confusing moment as he was carried away in the sack. Was it Hammet's soldiers taking him? Why would they use a sack? How could they have found him so fast? Was he actually being kidnapped?

Eventually, he was dropped on the ground and the sack pulled off. Ivan looked around in consternation, seeing that he was a short distance out of Kalay. "Huh?"

"I foresaw you being embroiled in some tug of war thing and decided I would come and save you. Aren't you glad?"

Ivan looked up in surprise and saw his sister. He jumped up in joy and ran over to hug her fiercely. "Hama! You saved me!"

"I hope you weren't hurt or anything," Hama said.

"No, I'm fine," Ivan said. "Um... could you please take me to Contigo? I don't want to go back to Vale. It's crazy over there. And it's even worse in Kalay!"

"Sure," Hama said, leading him away. "So, was it true, what I saw about Isaac becoming a duck? I was worried my gift of foresight was screwing up."

"It's true," Ivan said, shaking his head sadly. "According to Mia."


	3. Chapter 3

**Quack stands for Crack**

* * *

And now we return to Vale. Bad things can only be going on in that place...

Camelot owns Golden Sun.

* * *

While Mia sought refuge in Imil, Ivan adapted to his new life in Contigo and Isaac slept with the ducks, some odd changes had been taking place in Vale.

At first, the Valeans didn't understand what was going on. Somehow the Mayor's family had started wearing black, all of them, and there seemed to be a slight increase in violence. Then people outside the family were beginning to wear black.

Rumors were abound of a gang forming in Vale. A secret gang that was difficult to join, but joining it gave them privileges. This gang came to be known as the Mob. Nobody knew where the name Mob came from though.

The answer to this mystery was quite simple. Garet had got bored without Isaac, Ivan or Mia around, he tended to avoid Felix, Jenna was on her time of the month and very dangerous to be near, Sheba was annoying and Piers was just a bit boring. And Kraden? Garet would never even consider willingly talking to Kraden.

So now, he sat on a lounger, wearing a black suit and sighing happily as he sipped a Martini. "Oh, hell yeah. Being the Mafia Don... it's great."

Garet was quite proud of himself, having convinced his family to become gangsters and then getting other people roped into their gang. Now he could go around breaking fingers and blackmailing people without getting into trouble. Also, with his grandfather being the Mayor, taking over Vale was an easy task.

But somehow, it felt like something was missing. Garet stroked his chin, deep in thought. Should he have a burger for lunch or the rest of that leg of ham from dinner last night? Wait, that wasn't it.

"Lord Garet!" A black-clad figure whispered, walking up to the lounger and hastily bowing. "I have urgent news to report to you. I was on patrol duty, checking that there was no trouble going on in Vale and... I don't think you will like this."

"Tell me," Garet said immediately, sitting up. "Is there somebody I need to send my goons to go and beat up?"

"I saw Kraden," the person told him, continuing to whisper in a conspirational manner. "He was peeking on your grandmother through the window. She was changing and I think Kraden enjoyed the sight."

Garet gasped. "Wait... how did you know she was changing?"

"I wanted to see what Kraden was seeing so I looked and... ew..." the person shuddered at the memory. "Please put me out of my misery."

"I think I know one person who must be put out of his misery," Garet said, standing up. "At last, I know what is missing." His mouth spread into a grin.

Less than an hour later, Kraden was standing on the newly built gallows, looking nervously at the crowd around him. A member of the Mob marched him to his spot and slipped a noose around his neck.

"Er... could we talk about this?" Kraden asked nervously.

"Shut up, duck hater," the Mob person growled. "This is for the ducks!"

"Actually, it's because he peeped on my wife," the Mayor said, glaring at Kraden. "Hang him!"

The crowd watched on, gasping in shock as Kraden fell through the trapdoor. The Mayor let out a maniacal laugh and some of the Mob cheered. But the crowd of Adepts who were not yet mobsters couldn't even speak.

"This is horrible," Felix said in disgust. "All Kraden did was peek. Those stupid mobsters."

"The Mob is getting out of hand," Jenna said, looking upset. "I know Kraden talked too much and he banned ducks, but does he really deserve to be hung?"

"This is all Garet's fault!" Sheba exclaimed. "There's no way I'm ever joining that Mob organisation!"

"Me neither," Piers said. "But I've heard rumors of people actually being forced to join the Mob. This worries me. It doesn't seem safe here anymore."

Once Kraden was hung, the Adepts all dispersed and left him hanging on the Mayor's orders. Eventually, someone was sent to remove the body and bury it. That was when the alarm was sounded and all of Vale came running, wondering what was happening.

"The body!" someone screamed, holding up the rope. "The body has vanished!"

"Did someone take the body?" the Mayor demanded. "Who took the body?"

"I actually think someone dragging around Kraden's body would have been quite noticeable," Dora said.

"Then what does this mean?" Kyle asked.

"I've got it!" some random person yelled. "Kraden has risen from the dead!"

The crowd cheered, yelling that Kraden was immortal or invincible, could not actually die and had escaped from the trap. The mob promptly went around hitting people and making them shut up.

"Does anyone actually die in this place?" Sheba asked.

"Well, the blacksmith's father did..." Jenna said uncertainly. "At least, I think..."

"Maybe Kraden escaped somehow," Felix said. "He's probably hanging out with Isaac, Ivan and Mia, wherever the heck they are. Do they all just go to some place and disappear?"

"I am so confused," said Piers.

During all the fuss, Garet was not present. He was in Jenna's room, looking for something to use against her. As he held up the sheets of paper that he'd found, a grin spread across his face. This could be interesting, very interesting indeed.

Garet wasted no time. "Okay, Jenna, I want us to be in a relationship and live together."

Jenna stared at him. "Uh, gee... that's not very romantic, Garet. I think not."

"I thought you would say that," Garet said, grinning. He presented the sheets of paper and Jenna let out a scream of horror. "These... pornographic drawings of Alex... signed with your name... interesting, aren't they?"

"But... but... what were you doing in my room?" Jenna screamed.

"That doesn't matter," Garet said. "Now come and live with me or else I'll show these around. Further resistance might mean I have to get the Mob involved. And your family might have to pay the price."

"Damn you, Garet!" Jenna yelled as he dragged her to his house.

"Hey, what are you doing with her?" Felix demanded, running up as Garet pulled her to his front door.

"Help me!" Jenna shouted, as Garet pulled her inside.

"Oh, great," Garet said, as Felix charged him. "Get him, mobsters!"

Felix was immediately set upon by ten members of the mob. He tried to hold up against the flurry of bats and knuckledusters, but eventually it was too much for him and he sank to the floor with a pained groan as the Mob watched on. Jenna cried out and Garet smirked.

"Okay, finish him off," Garet said, despite Jenna's protests.

"Wait!" Kay shouted, bringing the advancing mobsters to a halt. She ran over to stand next to the badly wounded Venus Adept. "You can't kill him!"

"But he's trying to interfere with Jenna and I," Garet argued. Jenna shot Garet a filthy look.

"I can do something about that," Kay said with a smirk. "I'll chain him up in my boudoir. We'll have a great time, won't we, Felix?" She shot a seductive look at Felix who almost wished for death instead.

"Ew," Garet said, shuddering. "Too much information. Okay, take him away. Now come along, Jenna."

Jenna let out a mournful sigh as Garet led her along. She was sure she had very little chance of being rescued now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Quack stands for Crack**

* * *

Hmm. The story seems to have become less humorous and more serious since the beginning. It's a strange transformation. But the story's still fun to write.

Camelot owns Golden Sun.

* * *

Sheba sat on a tree stump and let out a heavy sigh. Life really sucked right now. She was living in a village overrun by a violent gang and now her friends seemed to be disappearing one by one. Well, at least she knew where Felix and Jenna were. Jenna was being held hostage by Garet and Felix was apparently being held prisoner by Kay.

Now she only had Piers to talk to. Sheba didn't think that was much good. She was still bored and was badly missing everyone else. What was even the point of staying in Vale? If Piers had any sense, he would escape.

Escape. That sounded good. Now, what was the best way to escape? The main entrance, the gate to the south of the village, was guarded by mobsters. Vale was still strict on its villagers not leaving without a good reason and Sheba had a bad feeling that saying "Because you all suck" would just get her hurt.

So she settled for sneaking up north, past the Mt. Aleph ruins and that was what she did, sneaking through the vegetation and past trees so that nobody was see her.

Once she was out, Sheba danced for joy and wandered up to Mt. Aleph, curious to see what it looked like up close. That was when she discovered something particularly nasty, half covered underneath slabs of rock.

It was unmistakably Alex's dead, funny-smelling body. Sheba took one look at it and she let out an ear piercing scream of terror. She didn't like dead bodies at all. They scared her.

Then something strange happened. Alex started to move and inhaled sharply. Sheba stared at the moving, breathing body then she started to scream again.

"Stop that damn screaming!" Alex shouted, sitting up and pushing aside the huge slabs of rock. "Do you realise your screaming is loud enough to wake the dead?"

"Heh... seems like it..." Sheba backed away, her face pale as a sheet. "You... were dead, weren't you?"

"Well, being alive sure beats being roasted on a spitfire," Alex said, getting to his feet. "So... have I missed anything? Isaac's still around, isn't he?"

Sheba decided Alex wasn't much of a threat and explained everything to him.

"Well, damn, Isaac disappeared?" Alex said sourly. "And here I was, thinking it would be an easy task. You mean I have to go look for him now? Then again... it might be a bad idea."

"Alex, you have to help us!" Sheba exclaimed. "Vale has been overrun by violent mobsters! Felix and Jenna are both being held hostage in Garet's house. It's terrible!"

"Well, I suppose I could help," Alex said uncertainly. "But first I want to settle things with the Wise One."

"Okay, I'll help," Sheba said determinedly. She was sure having Alex on her side would be a good thing, Alex was powerful and could probably defeat the Mob with his eyes closed.

They found the Wise One snoozing deeply in a nearby field and Alex painted him pink all over. Sheba added yellow swirls for added effect.

"Let's see how he likes that," Alex said, laughing in amusement.

"This is how you settle scores?" Sheba asked in exasperation.

"Hey, I've decided to be a bit less evil," Alex said. "There's no way I'm going back to that place full of fire! Come on, let's go to Vale and sort that mob out."

In Vale, Piers had realised that Sheba had disappeared. The fact that all his companions had now disappeared somewhere frightened him and he decided it would be a very good idea to get the heck out of Vale.

"Why do you want to leave?" a mobster demanded as Piers ran to the gate.

"Just let me outta here!" Piers screamed, leaping over the gate.

"That was strange," the other mobster said. The first mobster just shrugged and went back to glaring ahead. Mobsters enjoyed making people feel scared.

Piers ran as fast as he could, looking over his shoulder in case the Mob were chasing him. They weren't, so that was good. He wasted no time in getting to his ship and sailing away. Piers was going to try going back to Lemuria. Who really cared if he was banned?

Piers sailed into Lemuria without a hitch. Somehow he had no trouble finding it. A foggy area tended to stick out in the Eastern Sea anyway. The eastern entrance being open made things so much easier. Also, Poseidon still hadn't popped back up. Nobody knew when the merman was going to re-appear.

"Ah, it feels so good to be back home," Piers said, walking toward the entrance to the city. "Now to get back to my dull, boring life that I have experienced for hundreds of years. Wait, has it been hundreds of years yet?"

As Piers tried to remember exactly how old he was, a task which was difficult for many Lemurians, he headed toward the palace. He thought it might be a good idea to speak to King Hydros and tell him that everything had gone successfully and the world was now saved. Hopefully, the mob wouldn't take over the world.

"Halt!" Conservato yelled. Piers sighed and turned around as the old man marched up to him, looking positively livid. "Piers, you are banned from Lemuria for disobeying the Senate!"

"Honestly, Conservato, I don't give a crap," Piers said, rolling his eyes. The old man was just full of rubbish. It wasn't even like he was the ruler of Lemuria.

"So, disrespect me like that, will you? I'll teach you a lesson!" Conservato yelled, whipping a bread stick out of nowhere and charging at Piers.

Piers looked around frantically and spotted a tree branch lying on the ground. He snatched it up and started sparring with Conservato. The Lemurians watched on with vivid interest as Piers and Conservato fought fiercely, the struggle taking them all the way to the edge of the cliff.

"Get out of the city, you infidel!" Conservato yelled, swinging furiously.

"You can't tell me what to do!" Piers shouted, whacking Conservato in the face with the branch.

Conservato promptly toppled backward and fell off the cliff. Piers winced at the loud splash that followed.

"Well, crap..." Piers backed away and guiltily turned around to look at the shocked Lemurians.

"He pushed him!" a Lemurian yelled.

"I bet he did that on purpose!" cried another Lemurian.

"Murderer!" shouted a third Lemurian.

"This isn't good," Piers said. "You know what, guys? I'm going to escape and be a fugitive. See you." He promptly ran like hell to the harbour with Lemurians booing at his back.

As Piers sailed out of the Sea of Time, he wondered where he should go next. Vale was still too scary for him. As he sailed along the sea, he saw a whale.

"Oh, a whale," Piers said, running to the side of the ship. "It's magnificently huge." He leaned over too far and a slight bump against the ship caused him to fall screaming into the whale's mouth.

Several minutes later, after struggling against being swallowed and getting splashed with stomach acid, Piers was spat out on a remote island. He wasn't feeling too good.

Piers sat up and stared as a bunch of tiny people walked up to him and bowed. "Hail to our King!"

"Eh?" Piers blinked. "I'm... your king?"

"A legend foretold a large, blue-haired man would wash up on our island and become our king!" a tiny person squeaked.

Piers could only wonder if he was on something when another tiny person placed a crown of seaweed upon his head. He decided maybe it wasn't too bad and adapted to life as their King. He'd lost his ship anyway.

A few days later, Piers woke up and couldn't find the tiny people. His head was also covered in seaweed.

"Well, great," Piers said. "It must have just been a hallucination. I guess I had a fever or something. Now how do I get off this island?"

Piers couldn't find a way, so he climbed up a tree and talked to a flea-bitten monkey in the treetop instead. And remained on the island for a long time as his ship drifted at sea a long way away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Quack stands for Crack**

* * *

Remember how the story began with a duck? It ends with a duck! Hooray!

Camelot owns Golden Sun!

* * *

Alex marched into Vale, paying no attention to the angry black-suited mobsters that walked around everywhere and gave him evil glares. He felt a little pity for the scared looking Valeans as they shied away from the mobsters, but he didn't think he could possibly help them all. At the very least, there was one person that he wanted to save.

The Mercurian strode up to Garet's house and rapped sharply on the front door. The door opened and a mobster peered around the door, looking suspiciously at him.

"What do you want?" the mobster demanded, a hand straying to the dagger at his belt. Alex's eyes flickered to the dagger then back to his face and he sneered.

"I wish to have a word with Garet," Alex said, trying to sound as threatening as possible without sounding outright evil. "So I think you had better let me past."

"Lord Garet is not seeing visitors right now," said the mobster. "He is currently discussing wedding plans with his consort, Lady Jenna. It is a difficult business but I'm sure she will comply soon enough."

"Does it occur to you that Jenna does not want to marry Garet?" Alex said harshly. "Oh, forget it." He punched the mobster in the face and the mobster fell to the floor. "I'm just going to save Jenna. To heck with the niceties."

Garet and Jenna were currently in Garet's bedroom, Jenna yelling obscenities at Garet all the while as Garet asked Jenna what colour dress she wanted to wear, when Alex marched into the room, the sound of many mobsters groaning in pain coming from behind him.

"Alex!" Jenna exclaimed, jumping off the bed and running to him. "What are you doing here? I thought you were dead or something!"

"You bastard!" Garet yelled, getting off the bed and glaring at him. "Did you just beat up my mob? What the hell are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be trying to take over the world?"

"I'm changing my ways," Alex said. "Or at least, I'll try. I'm going to do some good things. And for starters, I think I will rescue Jenna from you."

"Yes!" Jenna exclaimed, latching her arms onto Alex. "Hurry up and get me out of here, Alex!"

"Stop right there!" Garet shouted, running at him with his sword. However, Alex simply warped out with Jenna. "No..." Garet sank to his knees. "No!"

Alex and Jenna stood outside of Vale, safe from the mob.

"I hope Felix will be okay," Jenna said nervously. "So where are we going to go? I'm not sure I want to stay in Vale."

"Anywhere you want," Alex said.

"Okay, let's go explore," Jenna said, taking his hand. The two set off into the sunset.

As for Felix, he wasn't having such a great time. Kay scared the living hell out of him. She'd chained him to the wall and kept hitting him with a whip. It was painful.

"You look so scared, Felix," Kay said, strutting up and down the room with a grin on her face. "Maybe I should punish you a little harder. You'll give in soon enough."

"No, I won't!" Felix exclaimed, tugging harder at the chains. He was sure they were beginning to give way. Thankfully, Kay hadn't noticed yet.

"Stop right there!" Sheba yelled, running into the room. She glared at Kay. "I won't let you hurt Felix anymore! He's mine!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Sheba," Kay drawled. "But you see... Felix is mine. Think about it, who would he prefer? A beautiful redhead like me or a scrawny, ugly blonde like you?"

Sheba growled and lunged at Kay, her green eyes emanating with fury. Kay and Sheba promptly rolled over the ground, kicking, scratching and fighting as hard as they could.

Felix took advantage of Kay's distraction and pulled as hard as he could. He didn't want to spend a second longer in Kay's boudoir. With a satisfying wrench, the chains fell to the floor. Felix hurriedly sneaked out of the house and through the village. Once outside Vale, he ran like hell.

Sheba and Kay eventually parted, gasping and heaving. Their gazes slid to the wall and they both gasped.

"Where did Felix go?" Sheba demanded.

"No! He escaped!" Kay wailed. "Oh well, he was a wuss anyway."

Garet was currently wandering through Vale, searching frantically for Jenna. He already had his mob searching the village for her, but he was so desperate to find her, he might as well look.

"Jenna!" Garet called out. "Where are you? Please come back! I love you! Come back, Jenna! Please?"

Garet wandered outside Vale and stopped, looking slowly up at a giant duck. A fluffy, white, ten-foot-tall duck.

"Holy... crap..." Garet said slowly.

"Quack," said the duck. Then it gobbled him up whole and wandered into Vale.

The mob were quite surprised to see a duck in the village, especially such a big one. They still remembered that ducks were banned from the village so they wasted no time in killing the innocent duck and dragging it through Vale to present to Garet's family.

"This is a delicious duck," the Mayor commented, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"It's so big, we'll be eating duck for a while," Garet's grandmother said with a grin.

"That's okay. I do a great duck pate," said Garet's mother.

"It's a shame Garet's not here," said Garet's father. "He would enjoy this. I wonder where he is."

"Probably still out there looking for Jenna," Kay said, rolling her eyes. "The idiot should know you don't make people love you."

"If duck tastes so good, why is it banned?" Aaron asked.

"It just is," the Mayor replied. "Don't ask again."

In the meantime, Sheba had run out of Vale and reunited with Felix, then they had found Alex and Jenna. After some searching, they found Isaac, who still insisted on being called Iduck. He wasn't happy when he got dragged away from the colony of ducks. They took him to Imil and stayed there with Mia. Isaac eventually recovered.

Piers eventually got tired of the island and jumped off, swimming for it. Somehow, he got to his ship, climbed up on the deck and fell asleep.

As for Ivan, he was quite content to recover from his trauma in Contigo.

And Kraden? Did he revive? Did he actually die? Who knows...


End file.
